Trash to Treasure

...I really don't know where to begin this post.

Okay, from the middle!

...after discovering all my old journals and notes, I found a letter that taught me so much. I had found it before, last year, and even still it spoke to me. It was a letter I wrote at the beginning of my 1st senior year. September 13th, 2005- if you needed to know.

I titled the letter a simple letter, with so much to say

it begins with... I miss you, I miss spending time with you...

It had been a difficult but rewarding summer at home, and a roller coaster of events for my life.

I retreated away from the truth, when it got difficult. I wonder where my joy is, I wonder where my life is. Why did I quickly retreat away? I have felt so alone many time, that I become desperate for your truth, for you to be with me. I place so many things of the world before you, and still you call your child, you look at me with your grace, mercy, and forgiveness. When I so much want to feel accepted by others you are there calling me yours...how could I ever want more of this world,...? I feel so lonely even when so many people are around me. I get caught up in the answers and not the heart, the truth behind it. I am longing for so much more. I want more you...
I have no idea where to go from here, but stand in awe of you, the faithfulness, and the love. I am here, but I long for home....
my prayer for my life is that I would stop looking at this world and start looking to you alone. I am dealing with so much right now. I don't know where I belong, where I fit, if I even belong here! I put all my worries, my stress on my shoulders and try to carry it myself. I hurt myself more when I hold all these things in, when I don't allow you or other people to help me. When I don't allow your truth to fill me. I am surprised when I fall, and say why me? when I am alive... I should rejoice in that.
Father, give me a passion to know your word, to carry it in my heart. That the truth will flow out of me. I long to know more of you. I long to be removed from this world. I know my home is not here.

After I wrote this letter I placed in an envelope and didn't open it until May 2006.

After reading my journals from 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007...I would say, I’m still learning about what it means to be His. But, I am thankful that He is showing me that those things so difficult to talk about before or express- really aren't that bad. We're in this together, let’s press on!